It’s time that we address a problem that has been plaguing certain African American athletes. No it’s not racism or concussions. This problem is a lot more serious than any of those things. The problem is a lack of vocabulary. This disease has infected certain black athletes since before I started watching sports. The blame not only lies with the athletes but with the sportscasters who give these inarticulate cavemen an opportunity to speak. We’ve all seen it, a game winning play was made, fans in the stadium and at home are going nuts. The game clock winds down to all zeros, then the sportscaster proceeds to grab your favorite athlete (professional or collegiate) to ask him his take on what has transpired. I look on with pride not only for my team but for my race as well, because on of mine has just done something amazing. Then my favorite athlete kills the moment when he opens his mouth to speak. It slowly becomes clear that English is not his first, second or third language. The sad part is that  this athlete was born and raised in the United States. He just never learned how to speak the English language.

This superhuman is also super stupid. All muscle and no brain. This mush-mouthed idiot proceeds to speak in some concocted warped version (his version) of the English language. We know that he’s speaking about the events that occurred during the game. Because why else would he be up there on television addressing the nation? But we can’t figure out what the hell he’s saying. We then look to the sportscaster for some indication of what is being said.Nothing. The sportscaster is just holding the microphone nodding at the caveman’s responses to the questions barely able to mask his or her own confusion. Then when it’s all over we’re hoping for the sports caster to translate. Again nothing. He or she just says “Well folks there you have it, you heard from the mouth of____________, now back to you JOE the studio.” I feel so cheated, they could have at least provided subtitles.

This is the main reason I don’t go to bars or any public place to watch sports. Because as soon as this embarrassment to the race stops speaking I feel like all eyes are on me. Like each and every customer that is not black is staring at me looking at me to interpret what has been said. Full disclosure I’m a street language connoisseur. I can usually tell you the state, dialect and sometimes the origin of the slang that is being spoken. I indulge in the use of street slang daily, it is my second language. I also realize that a command of the English language is necessary. But for future reference white people and representatives of other races in bars I don’t speak slave so please stop looking at me funny. I can’t help you.

When I say slave i mean it in the sense of one being a slave  to one’s lower self. Slave in the sense that certain athletes feel they are hot shot rich athletes and that being educated and articulate is not important. That being drafted into the pros gives you some sort of exemption from educating yourself. So what if you have money you still don’t know how to read Mr. Mayweather. Since we’re on the topic of slaves, do you know how many of your ancestors and their teachers that were beaten and/or killed because they were trying to educate themselves or others? The National Guard had to be called in so young black people could attend schools in the South. An education was the only weapon that our ancestors had and it’s the only thing people can’t take away from you. You should really sit back and think about all the blood that had to be spilled in order for you to receive the opportunity that you have.

Mr. Malcolm Butler of the New England Patriots, you chose to get up there after you caugh the game winning interception and reinforce the negative stereotypes. Education should never be a second priority, it should be THE priority. I see that your coaches had your “tutors” doing your homework and taking tests for you in order to maintain your eligibility. You were given passing grades based on your athletic not your academic abilities. These coaches and schools should be fined and should be ashamed of themselves. There are many young people throughout this country working themselves to death, operating on a few hours of sleep. Driven by the fear of failing and the hope to become more than their parent could have ever been. And here you are on television Mr. illiterate athlete  flaunting your ignorance like a badge of honor. It’s people like you who get all the benefits but put in none of the work that I despise the most. This practice of athletic welfare must be stopped. It’s irresponsible and destructive.

You are setting a poor example for the kids that look up to you. True some of you athletes came from the worst war zones in this country, and had to overcome many obstacles in your personal life. I understand that sports provided you with an opportunity to better yourself and the lives of your family members. All I ask is that you take the time to perfect your academic abilities like you took the time to perfect your athletic abilities.

Let this article serve as a notice that we are tired of your BS. You do not represent us. We will no longer defend when you choose to get on television and do your best Pooty Tang impression. I will publicly disown you and disavow any knowledge of your existence. If you are reading this article and saying to yourself “F school I got money,” Which should be “I have money” first of all, you may not need school but you will need to hire the right people to handle all of your affairs or you’ll be robbed blind. So some form of basic education is needed. Say what you will about Richard Sherman, he  looks crazy, and I admit acts like an idiot from time to time, but he’s far from stupid. He’s a Stanford grad and even when he’s ranting like an idiot he’s articulate about it. Thank you Michael Strahan, Russell Wilson and the rest of you who speak English very well. I’m so thankful that i don’t need subtitles to understand you when you’re being interviewed. As for the rest of you idiots get your act together. In the meantime on behalf of my race I ask all sportscasters to stop giving these idiots an opportunity to speak until they learn how to speak.

SIDE NOTE: This also includes rappers as well.