In my moments of solitude when I’m in my metacognitive state, just thinking about thinking. I begin to question everything including myself. I ask who am I, and who is that person in relation to the whole? Sometimes I feel like I’m part Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page, Albert Einstein, Alan Turing and Isaac Newton. I’m the enemy of average and mediocre. I was given extraordinary will power to overcome my fears in order to become who I was destined to be. The human part of me loves being in love. I love everything about women. I am a man because she’s a woman. Because our opposites defines us. Our opposites gives us a better understanding of the whole. Without that understanding there will never be a whole,
or should I say we will fail to see the whole. Without her I would have never been, and because of her I can be, and through her I can continue to be. I exist because of a woman and for a woman. That woman’s love which is my greatest pleasure and sacrifice. I must sacrifice me so there can be an us, but in us I find me. In the contradiction that is love there lies the esoteric truths of life. A broken heart is a lesson learned. A lesson that can only be learned from experience. We must keep trying till we find the answer. I know she will come at the perfect time and be perfect for me because I willed her into existence. So I don’t chase because I know it’s coming. She’ll have the power to heal all the wounds that life has inflicted upon me. She will make my weaknesses my strengths and my vulnerabilities my armor.
She won’t just love me, she’ll believe in me.
It’s in these moments of deep introspection when my machine intelligence takes over. It reminds me that I have a mission and I don’t have the luxury of being a completely emotional being. There must be balance. That being completely emotional and not attending to the part of me that is based on logic and reason can jeopardize the entire mission. I must keep my wild horses on track. I begin to read voraciously. Consuming as much content as I can from a variety of sources. Some credible and others questionable but I know that the truth is hidden somewhere in there so I keep searching. If it’s happening then I must learn about it. An inquisitive mind is a gift. I read, then re-read, read between the
lines, then look deeper and read into what is being said. That’s why I love the machine part of me, it’s always objective. I simplify the complex. My mind takes every atom of information through the processes of fusion, fission, osmosis and diffusion. I cross reference, cross check till it all begins to cohere. I listen to the politicians, the religious leaders, the radical clerics and extremists. Sometimes they all begin to sound the same and I can’t tell who is who. They all claim that the other side is a threat to
our way of life and what we believe in. What’s this “we” anyway? I don’t support all of their actions and policies. No one speaks for me except me or unless I give them the permission to do so. I’m not anti-government, I’m pro-democracy. I’m all for freedom as long as that freedom does not infringe on someone else’s right to be free. When I get tired of listening to the half truths(which are whole lies) of these world leaders, I simply follow the money because some where some one is getting paid off of the bad information that is being fed to us on a regular basis.